When my Grandma Quinn passed away, I was working for a psychologist. Her passing was one of only a few instances that I can remember him giving me advice. He said, “Keep her memory alive through the way you live.”  

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I have decided to honor Tyler by sharing what I miss most about spending time with him. And suggest to you a few ways that you can keep his memory alive through your actions. 

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I give you the top 10 ways to be more like Tyler. I realize that this sounds more like a late night television skit than a memorial tribute, but you likely know how much Tyler enjoyed late night TV. And that what we all call “late night TV” was more like early night television to Tyler.

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10 Ways to be like Tyler

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#10. Build a fire

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Whether he was on vacation in Kodiak, AK, grilling with his neighbors in his Saint Paul backyard, or at John and Sooki’s, Tyler loved a fire. We vacationed with him several times, and he wanted a fire every night. And he was willing to find the firewood. I think he knew that the only thing to do around a fire is TO BE PRESENT. So, go outside. Share a smore or three. And enjoy some time with your friends and family.

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#9. Love your pets

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Tyler loved his cats Ashron and Cypher. Tyler had full conversations with Cypher, and I’m convinced they really understood each other.

 

Tyler also loved other people’s pets. Our dog Frankie is not super affectionate. Tyler was the first human that she decided she had to sit on every time he visited. She nearly turned herself wrong-side out whenever she heard the Jeep pull onto our street. She is a very smart dog. So, love your pets, and if you don’t have one love someone else’s. 

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#8. Be curious

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Tyler was humble, but you only had to spend a little time with him to realize that he was wicked smart and had a quick wit. He could talk to anyone about anything. This was partially due to his love of learning. 

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He relied on multiple news outlets, listened to podcasts, watched documentaries, and read books. He listened to people’s ideas, experiences, and stories and then researched things that interested him. Beyond information gathering, Tyler was a life-long learner. He learned how to build his own computers, bake bread, and fix his Jeep. 

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So, be like Tyler and learn something new. Develop a skill. Investigate a topic that interests you. Watch a documentary, listen to a podcast, or have a conversation with your grandpa or granddaughter. 

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#7. Practice stewardship

 

When Tyler was little, he used to hide his money somewhere in the house. A couple of times a month he would get his money from its hiding place, iron it, (I’m going to say that again “iron it”) and hide it again in a new place. This is a pretty good metaphor for Tyler’s stewardship. He took really good care of the things he valued, including his relationships. 

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One example of this is that Tyler was particular about his laundry, which he would easily let Sooki, mom, and me wash for him. He preferred to have his clothes washed and dried on delicate and his t-shirts hung facing the same direction. Some of you may be thinking it is all too much work. Well, let me tell you that Tyler had 30-year-old t-shirts in his closet. He had an Orleans High School Track sweatshirt that was probably older than him. He had t-shirts from his visit to see me in Boston in 1996 and shirts from Party Perfect where he worked with John in Baltimore after college. Find an area of your life to practice stewardship.   

 

#6. Do what you want

 

Yes, of course you should repeat that phrase by saying, “I do what I want,” in Cartman’s voice. 

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On a day-to-day basis, Tyler lived his life the way he wanted to. As a kid, of course mom and dad granted him all the privileges due to the baby of the family. As he got older, he created a unique path for himself. In high school, Tyler stayed up all night playing computer games. Over the internet. With his friends. On dialup. Before anyone knew what that meant.

 

Tyler pursued a career that he loved, working for Apple for 11 years. He spent his leisure time pursuing activities that interested him like performing stand-up comedy, playing video games, going to football games, cooking, and following the latest in rocket launch news. 

He was also a fun uncle. Emory’s fondest memories are Saturday mornings at the comic bookstore playing Pokémon or when Tyler would show him how to play Battlefield or Minecraft on his fancy computer. He built model rockets with Wyatt and Marshall. They will always remember the Iowa/Nebraska game they went to in Lincoln over Tyler’s last Thanksgiving weekend. He invited Eden and Grace over for movie nights and Eden has found memories of watching “Wall-e” with him, and Grace remembers “Avatar.” His nieces and nephews will all remember joy rides in his Jeep.

 

When he called me for an adventure, it could have been for a walk on the Mississippi River, to check out a new restaurant, to go to a movie, or to gather friends for game night. Make some time to follow your passions and have fun with your friends and family at the same time.  

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#5. Eat yummy food

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Tyler LOVED food. All food. He loved fancy dinners, he loved international cuisine, he loved home-cooked meals, and he loved breakfast. HE REALLY LOVED BREAKFAST! I am sure that most of you have dined at The Cozy Inn Café on 4th Avenue, but if not please make a visit in memory of Tyler. At breakfast he usually ordered two meals or enough sides to make two meals. 

 

Few things made him happier than good food. Eating with him reminded you of how good YOUR food really tasted. He became a good cook and even posted a few how-to videos on social media. He appreciated food cooked with love and would bake bread to take to friends, even when he was flying to visit them.

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#4. Go to the show (and buy the merch!)

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Go to the concert, comedy show, and sporting event. Take the vacation. Go visit a friend. It was sad to see the things that Tyler wanted to do become less possible as he got sicker. It should be a reminder to all of us that you don’t know when or if your chance will come again. So, just go do it. Go to the show!

 

When you are at the show, buy the merch! Tyler surrounded himself with reminders of his adventures. His fridge was filled with magnets, his cupboard with coffee mugs, and his closet with t-shirts from his travels. He bought the roller coaster photos. I know that it almost always feels like the indulgence that puts an already pricy event over the top, but these tokens can spark your fondest memories and encourage you to do it again. 

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#3. Make friends everywhere

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Tyler was the best mix of Quinn and Christensen. You know that the Quinns can talk to anyone. Well, the Christensens will listening to anyone. Tyler could talk to anyone AND HE LISTENED intensely. In a world where listening has become rare, this quickly made him friends everywhere he went.

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In his time in and out of hospitals, I watched him befriend the custodian Dana that cleaned his room at Mayo. If we were out of Tyler’s room when Dana came around, he would leave a note to say “Hi.” Tyler befriended a fellow patient in the out-patient surgical ward that was an army soldier from Iraq. He invited Tyler to South Dakota to meet his family and his 100 chickens. In some of Tyler’s papers, I found a hand-written letter of encouragement to beat cancer from Eric, the man that installed the stereo system in his Jeep. 

Watching all of this closely over the last two years of Tyler’s life, helped me to understand why Tyler had more friends in Saint Paul than Matt and I do. He played bar trivia with Matt’s teaching colleague Liz and went to baseball games with Matt’s colleague Todd. When Tyler’s neighbor broke up with her boyfriend, Charles kept coming around the apartment building to visit Tyler. Arnold, Tyler’s neighbor stopped by to check on him a couple of times a week, even before he was diagnosed with cancer. 

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Tyler authentically connected with people. Watching this over and over, I think I saw a bit of the magic: Treat everyone as if they are already your friend. Don’t judge. And listen.

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#2. Laugh

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I hope that you can conjure Tyler’s laugh. It was spectacular, especially when he really got going. Tyler intentionally filled his life with things that brought him joy and laugher. I encourage you to do the same. 

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#1. Tell people that you love them

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Tyler told his friends and family that he loved them. What a gift from someone who left us too soon. His friends will always know that they were loved. If you love someone, tell them.      

 

by Jenae Batt